Sunday, December 19, 2010

New Decade, New Drills

I just learned that our school system has instituted new safety drills for the high school students. The typical fire drill that I practiced as a kid, I have been told, is quite passe. You almost have to wonder why they even have these drills. I mean how many school fires do you recall - not counting the little mishaps in chemistry class?

Of course, the town is required to have fire drills and I believe they even have them once a month.  From what my son told me, the kids just stand outside the building near the exits for a few minutes until they're let back in. And now, with the cold weather, they barely make it out the door.

While those safety lapses may seem unsettling, what I find more disturbing are the two additional drills now being rehearsed on a regular basis.

One is the evacuation drill. According to my son, this is similar to the fire drill with the only difference being that the students are required to walk further from the building. I guess they are practicing the evacuation in case there is a bomb. I'm not sure how far or in which direction they are required to walk, but I'm guessing there's not much they'll be able to do if a bomb actually did detonate. Perhaps, the clever terrorist will fool everyone and place the bomb on the school grounds or in the parking lot where the kids are told to go for their safe place. 

But the other drill I just heard about, I found to be the most unnerving. This is the shooter drill. 

Students now practice what to do if a psychotic introvert who was mercilessly harassed by other students over the years to the point of mental breakdown goes out and gets an easily obtainable AK-47 and enters the school to seek revenge on the cool kids who ruined his life. When the alarm goes off, the students are required to huddle in a corner of their classroom that best represents a position where a shooter who peers through the classroom door window would have the most obscured view of the class. By cleverly hiding, the shooter will be fooled into believing that no one is in the room and will continue on to the next class, and the next class and the next. This will keep happening until the shooter wonders if he totally screwed up his doomsday plan by entering the school on a weekend since no students are present. Once realizing his error of stupidity he will understand why he was hazed all those years and called little Johnny dum-dum and then turn the gun on himself thus ending the drama.

I told my son that if he and his fellow classmates have to huddle in a corner of a room like trapped mice, he needed to make sure he buffered himself with other students in front of him (like the smug George Landau who keeps telling everyone he's going to Yale because he's a legacy, or the overweight Margie Halpin who tells everyone she's not fat it's just a thyroid problem) in case the shooter actually goes off plan and opens the door.

And, if that doesn't work, please head to the nearest window and jump out. The building is only two-stories high.

No comments:

Post a Comment