Tuesday, November 8, 2011

My Dog Sucks

My dog is asleep on the couch next to me. He breathes or rather sighs just like a person. It's kind of interesting to think he is alive just like me. Then he kicks me with his hind legs as he stretches out. I get up and leave.

I'm asleep in my bed. My dog comes up to my room, stands next to my bed and cries. He starts out with a slow whine then moves into a loud song until I awake and pat my bed giving him the okay to jump up. He walks across the bed deftly missing my legs and lays down next to me, like a human. His breath stinks and I feel the air from his dog lungs pass over his coarse tongue and yellow teeth that held roadkill earlier that day.

I now hear a lapping sound. Check that. A slurping sound. My dog is licking his dick. He calls it cleaning. I call it lucky.

He finishes and falls asleep next to me, his leg twitching and kicking me every so often. I put my arm around him just like a human, without realizing he probably has ticks that now embed themselves into my skin. My dog sucks.

1 comment:

  1. My dog sucks too. He always wants to go outside to play. I don't like playing fetch with him. He alway snatches the ball from me when I try to throw it. If I don't let him out side he misbehaves by taking one of the clothes and swinging it around in his mouth and disorganizing everything. When he's outside and I'm not outside, he always barks at:
    people
    cars
    other dogs
    children
    anything moving
    He has too much energy for my family. You could play with him for 50 min and he still would crave morre.
    We gave him a doggy bed but he would tear it up when he wasn't let outside. See how he misbehaves. We got him that bed so he wouldn't jump on the couch.
    Now that his doggy bed is a pile of rags and stuffing, he jumps onto the couch. When we tell him to get off. He just stays and growls. I just tilt the couch until he falls off though. Hahahahahahahahahah.

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